Can we defy culture and marry?

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  • #18558
    MulongoMulongo
    Participant

    Can we defy culture and marry?

    New Vision Monday, 1st September, 2008
    don__t_defy_culture.jpg
    Dear Counsellor,
    I have been in a relationship with a girl whom I met six years ago when we were at high school. It started as a casual relationship, we became friends and we gradually fell in love. Having observed her behaviour, in our final year at university, I proposed to her and we agreed to formalize our relationship and live together the rest of our lives after our studies.

    We are both madly in love and I do not want to disappoint her since we have known each other so well and for long. I have never had any other girlfriend in my life and I don’t intend to have any. She too tells me the same and I have all the reasons to believe her because when we had our first sexual encounter, I discovered she was a virgin.

    She is now three months pregnant with my baby and I am very proud of it. My problem is that as we were making arrangements to go to her parents to introduce and subsequently wed, we discovered we belonged to the same clan. We are devastated because our parents respect culture so much they won’t let us continue with our plans.

    They say it is taboo and they won’t be party to it. She cries all the time and says she will die if we cancel the plans. This has affected both of us, especially considering the fact that she is pregnant. Should we go ahead and marry against our parents’ will?

    Should we stay together without formalising our marriage? What about our child? I cannot imagine a future without her. I don’t think I would ever be happy with any other woman. She too tells me the same and I know she is honest. What can we do?
    Jeremy K

    Ekyamusse musajja wattu ono, mpozzi nga ali ku kibooziboozi, naye bwaaba nga ddala ayagala buyambi teyanditutte nsonga ye gyebatalina kumanya ku yyo. Tewali mawulire gonna ga Baganda mu Buganda yattu? Ekyandsisinze kugenda mu banganda. Kubanga okunyooma noyisa olugaayu mu buwangwa obaganda agamba nti ggwe ogenda kwemalirira. Tuyinza okuba nga tuzalibwa Baganda, naye ebikolwa byaffe ffe nga abantu, byebituggumiza mu Buganda bwaffe. Kati bwomala okuwasa mu kika kyo aha, noddiriza ki? Bwosanga ekintu ekirala era ekikwata ku byobuwangwa nga kyelambise mu kkubo lyo, nga nakyo osamba eri? Olwo?

    #19539
    MubiruMubiru
    Participant

    Eyo story bu-story. Oba mpozzi nga ssi baganda bulungi, kuba bandibadde bakiraba ddaaaa engeri jebasooka okuba abomukwano ogwabulijjo (casual relationship) okumala akabanga.

    #19542
    MulongoMulongo
    Participant

    Kale kiri Buganda wano! Naye ddala okola otya nga ogudde mu mukwano nomwana bwemweddira ogumu? Anti oyinza okumulabira ewala nomusiima nomwesaanyiza. Kyoova otandika okumuzimbako obuyumba, nomala okumukuba obufaananyi nga bwobworezaawo nobu framing nobuwanika mu mwooyo gwo. Kyokka agenda okusembera oyogereko naye nga mweddira gumu. Awo nolyooka…omuluma?

    Mulabe mwannyinaze annumye lwa kugaana kumuganza!
    ssozi.jpg
    Mulabe we yalumye: Ssozi

    Bya Judith Nalugwa

    CHRITOPHER Ssozi ayokya enkoko n’embuzi e Nsambya mu Kamwanyi, aloopye Teddy Naggujja ku poliisi e Kabalagala okumuluma ku bbeere oluvannyuma lw’okumusaba amuganze n’agaana. Ensonga azisengese bwati.

    “Naggujja atunda buugi ne caayi era nkolagana naye bulungi kuba tweddira omuziro gumu, njovu.

    Anfaako mu ngeri ey’enjawulo ng’anfumbira caayi n’emmere nga byange nzekka era buli lw’annyuka atuula ku mudaala gwange emboozi n’egwa amakerenda.

    Abantu baatuyisaamu emimwa nti tuli basiru okwagalana ng’ate tweddira gumu ne mmugamba akomye okumpa caayi n’emmere n’okutuulanga ku mudaala gwange. Yanziramu nti, “Nkuswaza tosobola kubeera muganzi wange? Lwaki onneggyako?

    Bwe yalabye omuwala eyanguzeeko ekifi ky’enkoko, yazze n’ekikopo ky’obuugi n’akimuyiira nga bw’amulangira nti, “Mmwe musigula Ssozi n’ambadala.”

    Mu kubataasa, Naggujja yannumye ku bbeere ate abadde ampeereza obubaka obunsaba omukwano ku ssimu era mbulina.”

    Ye Naggujja agamba nti olutalo luva ku ssente 46,000/- ze yawola Ssozi n’agaana okuzimusasula. Agguddwaako omusango ku SD 33/26/8/2008 era akuumirwa ku poliisi e Kabalagala.

    Bukedde
    Published on: Saturday, 6th September, 2008

    #19596
    MusajjalumbwaMusajjalumbwa
    Participant

    Ssebo Mubiru obadde okyagiyita story bu story, baabano bavudeyo nga basibye ne kadaali. Babadde bafunye nababawa amagezi naye amagezi gasanze baali basalawo dda. Kati oba babadde babuliza ki? Oba bano bannamawulire bebakitaddewo mu kwagala okwonoona nokufeebeza ddala Obuganda. Naye ssi Baganda. Mpulira waliwo nabalala abalina mbu ebika.
    We’re having a baby yet we are clanmates

    New Vision Monday, 8th September, 2008
    1220877314Untitled_1.jpg

    A happy couple at their wedding. Will Jeremy and his pregnant girlfriend be as happy as this couple if they get married, despite the fact that they belong to the same clan?

    Last week we run a problem of a couple who discovered they are clanmates. However, they are expecting a child and want to get married. Below are the readers’ responses

    Dear Jeremy
    We came from Adam and Eve. And I believe God created men to marry women and so a man is free to marry anyone as longer as that woman is not his mother, sister, aunt or niece. We are in a new era. Look at what your future holds but not your culture and parents.
    Matia Mulumba

    Dear Jeremy
    Forget about culture and move on with your partner. Think about the baby and raising it. Forget about the family. They will come back when things work out. After all, you and your wife are not blood relatives.
    Jazmine

    Dear Jeremy
    Six years of dating and you have never discussed your clans! That is the first thing to discuss in a lifetime relationship. Your parents are right; even the Bible does not support it (Leviticus18). Seek a counsellor’s advice. Your girlfriend will not commit suicide. Let her give birth and pray to God for forgiveness and healing. Let it be a lesson to singles to talk about first things first while dating.
    Esther M

    Dear Jeremy
    It is absurd she is pregnant before walking down the aisle (Ephesians 5:5). You seem not to have asked God about the issue; you only empasised your parents. Do not confide in man (Isaiah 2:22), put your trust in the Lord, He will deliver you (Psalm 31:1). Both of you should pray and fast and ask for God’s will for your marriage and let His will be done.
    Prince Kasagama Ateenyi

    Dear Jeremy
    You say you have been with this woman for six years, which is long enough for you to have met her relatives. Where were you meeting; in a bush? It is a pity most of us keep our affairs away from our parents and this is what we reap. But as parents, we need to teach our children about our culture and our relatives — our aunts, uncles, cousins. This serves as a lesson that we should take time to know our partners well. There is a case that happened in my country, Kenya, where the couple decided to stay together although they were cousins who met in the US. It is up to you, but remember culture is one thing that will get you sooner than later.
    Find a way to raise the child who will be born without you wedding.
    James Mbandi

    Dear Jeremy,
    Before God, we are all brothers and sisters. Didn’t Adam and Eve marry despite the fact that one was created from the other’s rib? Jeremy, if this girl is not your sister, cousin, niece or aunt or under 18, marry her. Are we supposed to die single because culture mouths us rules that have no scientific backing? Clan members are not blood relatives; I would marry as many as I wanted from my own clan!
    There are many tribes, which have similar clans. The Basiingo from Toro, Bunyoro and Ankole share one totem. Does this mean one from Ankole cannot marry a Mutoro? I am a Mugahe from Ankole and our totem is Ngoobe (cow). We are not supposed to rear or eat this cow, but which Mugahe ever bothers to find out what type of cow was slaughtered when they buy meat?
    To dwell in the past is to destroy the future. Go ahead and marry your woman!
    Kibiina A. Kirungi

    Dear Jeremy,
    Our cultural norms have to be respected since our forefathers respected them. Who are we to violate them? In some societies, you would be excommunicated.
    But do not worry. Just repent your sin and end the relationship. In future, get to know your friend’s clan, tribe, religion and norms before you go far.
    Geofrey Matovu

    Dear Jeremy,
    It is tough, but do your parents know about the baby? And if so, what do they say? Consider the baby first and finding another wife later. You both need counselling.
    You should do what makes you happy, but without your parents blessing, it might be hard.
    Barbara

    Dear Jeremy,
    The beauty of our culture is our forefathers took all these things into account. I do not know where you come from, but most cultures allow for an offering to appease the ancestors then then get married. Discuss it with the parents from both sides.
    M Kamanja

    Dear Jeremy,
    Many relationships start casually before you get swept off your feet. Nevertheless, this affair may not work out. Your parents’ blessings are instrumental for the success of your relationship.
    In most cases, things that contradict culture, especially in the Kiganda culture, have proved to be a serious impediment to marriage. For instance, the case of Bronu Kiwuuwa vs Ivan Serukuuma and Juliet Namazzi (civil suit No 52 of 2006), an injunction was imposed on the marriage of the defendants simply because of the partners attempted to act against their parents’ will.
    So seek the opinion of your parents.
    Ivan M

    Dear Jeremy,
    Do not go ahead with the wedding. There many are reasons why culture forbids it. Marriage between relatives increases the risk of genetic problems and birth defects.
    Let her have the baby but stop any further romantic involvement with her. However, build and maintain a close relationship with the child.
    Secondly, do not marry without your parents’ blessing because at one point you will need them. At least, ask them to bless the child.
    Finally, do not live with her! That will be a way of disrespecting your parents.
    Marriage is an institution that involves husband, wife, children and their relatives.
    G.M.

    #19608
    OmumbejjaOmumbejja
    Participant

    Okujjako ngooli angamba nti basisinkanye munzikiza ate nebesanga nga bonna bayidde dda omukwaano, kyesimanyi nti kisoboka awatali kwekaliga magengere
    Kati nebatandika okuyisanganya emikono era okumaliriza nga balidde ebirumira, Kuba ddala okujjako oli nga amannya ge agakulimbye , ate nga temwagalira ddala kumanya buli omu gyasibuka, ngo bwongo buli ku kimu kyokka kukiika mu mbuga ya sitani awo tewaba ngeri ndala yonna , ate teri kiwooma nga forbidden fruit
    ,

    Banange munyambe nzizeemu nga simaze kusoma story mbuze na mutwe gwokka .
    Bano bamanyiganye emyaaka mukaaga kati batuzizza munsonga tusalewo nga nomwana ali mukkubo ngojeeko nti buli omu ye yamye okufa singa taba na munne wano basazeewo dda .

    Naye bwebaba si Baganda ekyo muziro kitono ddala yalwaawo n’okusimbawo effumu.

    #19693
    JonaJona
    Participant

    Abo waggulu, of course ssi baganda. Omuntu atali muganda waddembe okukola kyayagala.

    Ate oyo eyaluma munne kkyo nkibuusabuusa. Abo bagala ku sabulula nakwonoona Buganda. Ezo zempita conspiracy theories. Eriyo omuntu ategeera nga muganda ayinza okuluma mwanyina olwokugana okwebaka naye? Ate olaba nebwaba nga ssi mwanyoko tosobola kumuluma… Okujjako ng’olina “kyewetisse” kumutwe. Abantu abaliko kyebetisse kumutwe beebo bowulira abawalampa ente, embwa, oba bu baby!! Bwalengera embuzi ejja etambula yye alabamu “mboko”. Kale oyo takulume abaddeki? Beebo bowulira abakuba abakazi kalifomu mu motoka. Amuntu ategeera osobola okwebereka ente? hahaha Ebyembi bisekerwa.

    Ekizibu kyetulina wano mu Buganda bebantu abeyita abaganda, sso mubutuufu nga ssi baganda oba half-baganda. Bayinza okuba nga baakulira Bombo, taata munubbi, mukakwa, mucholi, muniankole, nga mama ye muganda. Abantu abo batutabulidde nnyo oBuganda n’empisa zaffe. Bebo bowulira ku Radio ba Tamale-Mirundi, ba Namayanja, ba Kinobe, ba Kakooza-Mutale, ba Ggwanga, ba Nsibambi, abatabudde oBuganda okukamala. Kasita omuwa 5m/- nga akola kyonna kyoyagala, kuba mumitima gyabwe, Buganda teriimu.

    Ebyembi, bakyayongera okuzaala mu bakazi abaganda. Olyoke olabe akatogo. Ate bbo bannakyaala abaganda oba lwaki tebafaayo? Oba bwavu? Kasita Okello ateeka enuthu ku luti, nga nakyala yeyala. Era ng’akugamba nti “mwattu musajja muntu mulamu nnyo”. Imagine!!!

    Ffena tusoma stories za bannamawanga engeri jebasalamu abasajja oba akakazi ebaganda amalaka bebaba bawasijja. Bino byonna lwaki tetubirowoozako netumala gawasa oba kufumbirwa!! Mbu olwokuba yaliko “ebifuna”.

    Bible yagaana aba Israel okuwasa abatali baIsrael. Bible egamba nti nga eggwanga lya ba Israel bweriri ttono, bwebanafumbirwa oba okuwasa abatali ba ggwanga lyabwe, bajja kuba Israel bagitunze. Ekyo kituufu. Ne Buganda nsi ntono. In fact abaIsrael baali balowooza nti Buganda yensi yabwe endagaanye, Katonda jeyabasubiza, olwobulungi bwayo. Ensi ettulukuka “amata n’omubisi gwenjuki”. Kino kyabawaliriza bwebaali bazze okununula ba hostages e Ntebbe, obutayonoona nnyo nsi Buganda. Kigambibwa nti baali bagala okusirisa Idi Amin once and for all, Kampala yenna bamuteeke kuttaka.

    Naye kati mulabe Buganda bwefanana. Kati ettulukuka musaayi.

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